woman

i'm still trying to figure out what it means to be a woman

You see i was born a human

And raised as a girl

And became a woman

And inherited fear

Bought into beauty

Dug around in my heart for that smile i was begged for

But how do i be a woman

How do i live every second with a song in my lungs that men grab

A song they fight for yet never listen to

How do i fight for something i don't know exists

A justice i've never seen

For a group of people that i had to learn how to become

Never once fighting for the individual

How do i sit next to people who make me feel like an object

But walk into an office for a company that i founded to help make objects into women

Yet what kind of magic do i have to have to turn their silence into sound

When you say you crave their voices but hear words that you do not accept

i wonder every morning when i wake up how do i live up to the word woman

How do i become the stereotype

How do i raise a daughter with the values of a strong woman

When i cannot even figure out what a woman is

Does it mean strong

Does it mean speechless

Does it mean fearless

Does it mean above it all

Does it mean safety

Does it mean insurance

Will it explain every moment I was wronged

Oh shes just a woman

Will it strike fear into the hearts of those who say that

Will it stand up for the human its defining

Will it be more than just a word

Will i ever realize that i define it

Will it ever mean me

Bunched together in a group that it need not be

An individual

A woman

me 

Recognition

I hate to say it, but sometimes I struggle with feeling unrecognized.

Yeah, that can be me sometimes... Guilty.

I feel like I do so much to please others, and so much that I feel will help others, and yet I get steamrolled over.

I hate to say it because I hate to feel it.

And I hate to feel it because deep down, I don't care about recognition.

I get so caught up in what I think I'm supposed to feel, that I forget what I actually feel.
Society says when you are not recognized for every little thing you do, it means you don't matter. That is complete and utter bull sh*t.
When I'm being honest with myself, even if every little thing I do doesn't get recognized, it doesn't take away the feeling I get while doing good things.
That is why I do them.
Not for the recognition, but for the feeling I get when I know that I've helped someone, or have done something worthwhile, and not worthwhile because someone else says it's worthwhile, but because I know it is.

Recognition does not make or break something you do, YOU make or break something you do, depending on whether you do it for recognition, or for that feeling.

Eternal Bliss

I have a confession.

...

I very much dislike weddings.

Of course, since i grew up with sisters, i went through the motions of planning weddings, and looking at dresses, and getting caught up in the fantasy and the fairytale aspect of it all.

Lets just be honest, 
The idea of a wedding is much more appealing than the actual thing. 

Don't get me wrong, i love what it represents, the union of two people who want to only be with one another for the rest of their lives. i love that.
i love seeing my people i care about take the beautiful step into a new chapter of their life.
i love the beauty.
i love the anticipation.
i love the detail.

The thing i don't like about weddings is the pressure of perfection.
Guests have to behave perfectly.
The wedding has to look perfect.
The reception has to be perfect, you have to see everyone.
The food has to be perfect.
The dress
The hair.
The wedding party.
And if everything isn't perfect then your marriage won't last.

There are legitimately television shows in which strangers go to your wedding, rate aspects of it, and whoever wins gets an all-expense paid honeymoon.

Where has the love gone in weddings?

Now, sometimes this isn't the case; sometimes, weddings are intimate and simple and so focused on the love of two amazing humans that anything that goes wrong is quickly forgotten.

i just so often go to weddings where i dearly love the humans getting married, and they dearly love each other, and yet the stress of the wedding glints in their eyes and they just want to fade away.

i hope that if this post shows anyone anything, it is that, as a veteran to the wedding guest scene, no one is expecting more from your wedding than to see two people so in love that nothing else matters; and if there is someone who expects more than that, they should not be allowed to be there.

Bottom line:
Enjoy it. Everything about it. And desire a perfect marriage over a perfect wedding.