Therapy

This is me waiting for therapy.

This is the 8th week I've come here. 

It feels like the third. And it feels just as hard.

I think as humans we crave understanding and attentive listening and for others to care, and to me, therapy fills that craving in an educated way that other humans can't. 

To me, it's also kinda dramatic and odd.

You're essentially paying someone to listen to you... 

I try to get over those parts of it though, because these people can help. They can help me figure out my triggers or ways to calm down or even help me understand what's going on in my body when anxiety or depression rears their ugly heads.

So I guess it's helpful. 

I know i'm supposed to agree with all the other articles dedicated to mental illness and say that therapy is the best thing to ever happen to me, and before I say my actual thoughts, I will partially agree with that. It's good. It's really good. And healthy. And helpful. And I would recommend it to anyone. These are professionals, after all. They know what they're doing and they know how to help.

But here's the thing for me. 

I don't like opening up to people. And I know that no matter how many weeks I do this, it will always be a struggle to walk into that office, sit down, and just talk about my struggles that week. I go back and forth because what if they knew everything? Every thought and action, and they thought you were as crazy as you think. It's also tough for me to think that they could care just because they're also being paid.

These things are hard for me to overcome, but i'm trying, and that's what matters.

Here are some things I do that help me get the most out of therapy.

1. I understand that my therapist wants to listen to me and wants to help
2. Just because they get paid to do so, doesn't mean they don't care and try to help, like when I worked at a summer camp for kids, just because i was being paid didn't mean that I cared about those children any less.
3. They get it, theyve studied these things and they want to help, but for them to do so, you have to be open. They aren't going to jump to conclusions, or judge you for something you say. So say it and get everything of your chest and then they can help you fully.

I guess all of this is to say, therapy sucks. Thinking you have to do it sucks. But when you start, it starts to suck less, and eventually you see it helping and maybe even you look forward to it. Just remember that you can only get out of it what you put in. And remember that it's ok to not like something but do it anyway. We all have to make ourselves do things we don't want. That's life, but this is worth it. By far not the best things that could ever happen to you, but one of the best things you can choose to do for yourself.