"how to say that you can't be there right then for your person with anxiety"

I see many of these "how to be there for your person with anxiety" posts, and they're important and helpful and I may post one tomorrow.
But what I never see is a "how to say that you can't be there right then for your person with anxiety." And that seems silly, but its frightening.

I know its scary for my people to think about leaving me in a weak moment, and I know for a while I wouldn't have handled it well.

But this is important:

People are people. They can't/won't always be there. BUT it ABSOLUTELY DOES NOT mean they love you less.

So I'm going to write that list. So when you or someone can't be there, they know how to say it to us sensitive/ anxiety prone folks ;)

PSA. Only say things that you mean. Period.

1. Be bossy. Often times, when I'm panicking, I cannot make logical and productive decisions on how to help myself, thus, telling your person that you'll be back, BUT in the mean time they should... (read a specific book, listen to a specific album, write a story for you to read, write a letter to themselves or someone else, watch a specific movie or tv show...etc) Be specific, be bossy, check back at some point when you can.

2. Tell them what you're up to. Personally, I love feeling like I'm a part of my people's lives, and even if I'm not doing so hot and they can't be there, them wanting to tell me why not makes me feel like it isn't my fault, a thought that most likely would not have ever popped into my head otherwise.

3. Tell them how much you care about them. They know you have a life, and they don't want to get in the way of that, and even if you can't talk or help them through something, an affectionate word portrays the fact that you do care, even when you cant take the time to actively show that.

4. Ask them to do something for you. Don't forget that they can be caring people as well, and that might even snap them out of their funk.

5. Send them a funny picture/video. If you can't take the time to be there for them physically, a funny video/picture can show them that you want them to be happy and that you do care, and that you thought of them.


Honestly, there are many simple ways to show someone that you care about them even if you don't have to the time to be there for them at the moment.

The bottom line is that we all have needs and sometimes our people's needs will clash with ours, and that's ok. We all just need to remember to be caring and compassionate and there when we can be, because we all have needs, and we all have struggles. 

Unfair

I struggle daily with the fact that it isn't fair.

Yes, I said fact.

It isn't fair that I get panic attacks, and it isn't fair that I have depression, and it isn't fair that sometimes these things keep me from living. It isn't fair that sometimes these things keep me from wanting to live.

None of that is fair.

It isn't fair for me, and it isn't fair for you.

But, and now I'm going to say something that is going to make you hate me a tad,

LIFE IS NOT FAIR.

And now for the kicker,

Yet, even when it doesn't seem fair, it can seem worth it. 

I know that sounds crazy, but bear with me.

Obviously these things we have to deal with aren't fair. No matter if it's anxiety, depression, or something completely different.
And all of that stinks.

But one moment will come along and you'll see that you have these unfair life afflictions for a reason.

I think even one of my reasons is to write this blog, because even if I don't write one helpful coping word but I show one person that they aren't alone, it is worth it.

The 'worth it' moments don't make it fair, or make it even seem fair, but sometimes they go around all of those feeling and hit straight to your core and make you say, "ah, this is why I have this specific piece of unfair."

Why (not)?

Why me?

Why, after being in theater my whole life; after being the most outgoing social butterfly -kid; after insisting that silver platform halloween heels were acceptable to wear to kindergarten; after loving life for all that it was; why, after all of that and more, do I now have trouble speaking. 

Why do I sometimes not want to leave my room for a whole day.

Why do I hate standing out in front of people.

Why do I dread life, for all that it is.

Why now?

Why, after just beginning to live; after starting to see relationships and people for what they truly are; after finding freedom; after just seeing who I want to be, do I fear all of that.

Why now, do I dread relationships.

Why do I crawl away from my freedom.

Why do I tremble at the knowledge of getting to be who I want to be.

Why this?

Why does the girl who was never afraid of anything suddenly fear everything.

Maybe you're reading through this and starting to feel a flame rise up in your gut. A bit of anger towards these words because you relate so much to all of this, and you hate these questions. 

Because you cant answer any of the why's.

But I can. 

Because of why the hell not. 

Lets see if I can expound upon that. I may be wrong for someone, and I won't ever claim to be right for everyone.

So, MAYBE...

Because of why you thought it wasn't ever going to be you, it now is. 

Because of why you would've hated for it to be now, here it is.

Because of why you never would have expected it to be fear, it is. 

It is me because I never thought it would be. It is now because I cannot do anything on my own, and I shouldn't do everything on my own. It is anxiety because I lived my life believing nothing could hurt me if I didn't let it, especially not my own self. 

Now, I don't know what kind of God or karma or whatever you believe in, but I believe in Jesus, and my whys all come from Him. 

Meaning; It is me because was acting as God. 

It is now because I was taking on life being too independent.

It is anxiety because I thought I could rationalize any thought and control what got to me.

For me, I believe that all of my anxiety, plus my depression came about because I was too comfortable believing I was in control of things that were never in my control. 

I was too comfortable believing I could handle anything life threw at me all by myself. 

My mental illness's show me that I can't.

My life is filled with hardships. None that I can handle alone, and none that I should have to. Unfortunately, it took crippling anxiety and depression to show me that. 

But fortunately, I was shown.